Long term vegetarian Suki Smith has finally ‘blown her top’ after yet another restaurateur with no vegetarian meals on the menu offered her tuna fish instead.

“I’m a fucking vegetarian,” an exasperated Suki yelled. “It’s got a face. Fuck you! Fuck you!”

The restaurateur told her that his friend Barbara is a vegetarian, “And she eats chicken and fish.”

At this point, Suki got so irritated by the nice but dim waiter that she picked up his pen and jabbed his beady little eyes out. Well okay, she didn’t because she doesn’t believe in hurting living creatures, but she so wanted to.

“I’ve been a vegetarian since I was thirteen,” she told our reporter, “And if I had a pound for everyone who has presumed I eat fish, I’d be richer than Scrooge McDuck.”

“And while we’re at it, why is there never a decent veggie option on the menu? It’s just cheese. Cheese, cheese and more cheese. I’ll turn into a truckle of cheddar if I’m not careful. And yes, I drink milk and eat eggs. No, I’m not vegan. Yes, there is a difference. And no, I don’t miss bacon.”

At this point, our kitty friendly reporter backed politely away and left the female only train carriage to go and sit in the unisex one – right next to Gary Gonk.