So obsessed with celebrity culture are we as a society, that the flagging BBC has announced plans to introduce a new set top box that is to show only celebrity reality entertainment shows.

The new box, called Bbox, is to be released just in time for Christmas.

“The timing of it’s release is crucial,” said Tony Hares, the owner of the BBC. “We’re going to mass advertise it to children and teenagers, who will in turn nag their parents into buying it for them for Christmas. It’s what all the big companies do and I need the money. I’ve got a mortgage to pay, kids to feed and a mistress to support.”

As of next month, the British Broadcasting Corporation will be changing it’s name to Broadcasting British Celebrities. The first show to go live, the much anticipated ‘Celebrity Antiques Roadshow, plays on the theme of it’s cool to be old, kids.

“I can’t wait to find out how old Paul Daniels is, and how much he’s worth,” says antiques enthusiast Dennis. “He’s part of a set, so I’m guessing he’s lost a fair bit of value now that Debbie’s run off with Dynamo. It’s like owning half a cruet set, but I’m hopeful.”

Debbie Does Dynamo will also feature on the new B-box but it’s unclear what kind of show this is going to be.

Upcoming shows include ‘Celebrity Benefits Street’, ‘On the Lash with Judy Finnegan’, ‘Makeovers with Mrs Merton’, ‘Christmas Shopping with the Stars’ and ‘Sleeping with the Enema – Celebrity Surgeries’.

These shows are not available anywhere else. Be the envy of all your friends, real and Facebook ones, and preorder your new box for just three instalments of £49.99 plus £9.99 P&P. Order before the end of November and get a free 2016 wall calendar featuring all of your favourite B-box celebs and Dean Gaffney.