The Queen has been in the news again this week for doing something very spectacular indeed, not dying.
It’s true, the Queen is indeed still alive. She has quashed rumours that she died years ago and is just a hologram by issuing an Instagram picture of herself sat in close vicinity to a laptop.
No one is really sure how it happened, but the Queen has become this season’s hottest new fashion icon.
Her Majesty, who has long since cited her hobbies as knitting, bingo and colouring in, told us, “One is most amused to be decreed a fashion icon in one’s ripe old age.”
Top Shop has recently announced sales of floral frocks have “gone through the roof”, while salons report a rise in requests for silver hair dye. The Works have said: “Lately, almost everyone who comes in here buys knitting patterns and adult colouring-in books.”
“Everyone’s trying to be old,” says the Queen’s aide Martha, “And it’s all because of her highness. She rocks the look so well.”
Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez Versini is reportedly starving herself in a bid to look frail and old and it’s certainly working. “She looks like a medical skeleton and you don’t get much older and deader than that,” said someone.
Studies show bingo is now the biggest hobby amongst 17-26 year olds, with cake baking coming in a close second.
Kids are no longer hanging around on street corners, they’re hanging around Mecca. They are no longer making a nuisance of themselves, they’re making scones.
A new meme, Make Tea Not War is doing the rounds on Facebook and Twitter.
And it’s all because the Queen has made being old, cool!